NOTE: This post is NOT a cry for help. This post is to help others who may be struggling by sharing my own story. Please do NOT contact me with concern, worry, or advice - it only stresses me out. I am safe.
I just watched "I Am Maris" on Netflix, and I'm going to write as quickly as I possibly can so that I get this all out before I lose courage.
Because for so long now, it's been much easier to simply exist (or try to). To keep it all inside. To hide. To pretend. To suppress. To be quiet.
"I Am Maris" tells the story of an anorexic teen who found peace through yoga. It's a really wonderful film, especially for anyone living with mental illness. What struck me, and what prompted me to write this post, was her courage in sharing all the ugly with the world. She called it, "Talking about the shit I don't want to talk about."
I'm 30 years old. I have anxiety and depression. I am currently in the process of tapering off of my anti-depressant. And I am a highly sensitive person (HSP).
After my last dosage drop three weeks ago, I experienced two straight weeks of suicidal thoughts. It felt like it would go on forever. It felt like I couldn't escape it. It was scary, but mostly full of despair. The apathy was overwhelming.
Four days ago, it was over. I turned the corner. I had good days a